If you’re worried, hurried, and exhausted, there’s a good chance you’re doing too much in your homeschool. You may be homeschooling too many hours, teaching too many subjects, or carting kids to too many activities. When we hoped to escape the traditional school rat race, why do we so often overdo it in our homeschools? I’ll share three common reasons with practical steps for recovering your homeschool happiness.
Resources for Doing Too Much
Homeschool Podcast Network Sweet 13
I’ve been a homeschool publisher since 2015 and recently hit a wall. I didn’t want to do anything. I thought I just needed to buck up and work harder. I created a detailed, packed schedule for myself that didn’t even last a day. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t have a good work ethic; it was attempting to do too much for too long. The reasons I did are the same reasons homeschool moms do it.
First, I was using activity to manage fear.
In my case, I thought if I didn’t publish a new book every year that my business would fail. So I published at least one a year in addition to publishing podcast episodes, managing customer service, and speaking at conferences. It meant that I had no time to improve other aspects of my business. I could only respond to urgent tasks like making dinner, cleaning the house for company, and my family’s needs.
In the same way, homeschool moms try to teach long hours, including many subjects, classes, and activities because they’re worried their kids won’t have a good education, have good social and emotional skills, get on a good sports team, or get a good scholarship.
In the middle of my burnout, a good writer friend asked me, “What if you stopped writing for a couple of months?” I stammered. Stopped writing? You mean not have a new curriculum ready for spring conference season? Umm, I couldn’t do that. Could I?
I’m not sure what I would be sharing with you today if my friend hadn’t suggested I get off the writing treadmill. Because she did, I’m going to suggest this alternative to managing fear with more activity: talk to a homeschool mentor. She doesn’t have to be an official coach—just someone who’s further down the road than you. Share your homeschool schedule, routine, and curriculum list with her. If she laughs, you’ll know for sure you’re doing too much. But the best thing a homeschool mentor can do for you is reassure you that you don’t have to do all the things to have happy, successful kids. I don’t even have to see your list to tell you that it’s true.
A mentor can help you determine the priorities. I’ve spoken before about a precious mom who wrote me to say she was dying. She wanted to homeschool her kids with the time she had left so she had more time with them. She asked me what approach she should use to teach her kids. When I thought about it, I realized it was the approach I think all homeschool moms should use. First, teach the most important information and skills. For me as a Christian mom, teaching my kids the Bible and apologetics was vital. Teaching my kids the basics of language arts, math, history, and science was also important. After the essentials were covered, I recommended that she teach what she enjoyed and make memories.
Reading historical fiction to my kids, researching aspects that were of interest to them, and doing fun related activities with friends were the delight of our homeschool. So many other activities were nice but not necessary. What is most important and most joyful to you? Focus on those things.
The second reason I was doing too much is because I was using a deadline for motivation.
Every year the thought of the conference season in March had me writing furiously to have books done in time. The deadline kept me writing when I was tired and frankly didn’t feel like writing. If I had to miss a day or two of writing, I felt that I had to make it up. Distractions and changes in plans became more annoying the closer conference season loomed. I couldn’t enjoy the writing process because I was on a deadline.
When the project was done, I was busy traveling and speaking. I wasn’t able to rest, especially because everything else I’d put off to finish the book needed to be handled. Before I knew it, it was time to start the next book project. Deadlines do work for motivation. I’ve published 17 different books in 10 years. But there’s been a cost.
Homeschool moms often want to finish their curriculum books by the end of their homeschool year too. In that desire, getting off schedule can become an annoyance that makes us irritable and robs us of the joy of learning. I think it’s important to say here that few traditional teachers complete an entire curriculum by the end of the year.
Instead of deadlines, I wish I had just had a realistic routine. Writing curriculum four hours a day wasn’t realistic for me if I wanted to be a happy, balanced writer. As a homeschool mom, determine how much time is realistic for you to spend on the most important and joyful activities. You might try doing these activities in the same basic order on regular school days and calling what you accomplish at the end of the year a success. Even if the book isn’t done. Unless you’re part of a program that requires you to finish by a certain date, you can choose to finish later. Amazing, right?
The third reason I was doing too much is reliance on self-control.
As I neared the deadline on a new book, I would try to eliminate distractions. I wouldn’t chat with my friends before I got my four hours of writing in. I would tell myself “no” to doing anything other than writing curriculum for months. My fear of failure and the deadline allowed me to exert a lot of self-control. Like a power lifter, I forced the weight of the project to completion. But because self-control is like a muscle, I had very little strength left for other temptations. I was more likely to be rude when interrupted. I would eat junk after I finished my writing time. And when my book was finished, I continued to put off unpleasant work that needed to be done. I didn’t have the self-control I needed to tackle it.
Homeschool moms may push themselves to get through the curriculum, complete their co-op commitments, and take their kids to all the activities, sure that when the regular school year is over that they can finally get organized, plan a better homeschool, or start a fitness journey. But they have nothing left in the tank to do those things. They’ve burned through their self-control.
Instead of relying on self-control, I wish I had relied on the Sabbath to renew me so I could be more fruitful. I have not worked on Sundays generally. But I needed a more extensive rest. Like the farmers described in Exodus, I am going to let one field of my life rest this year while I work elsewhere.
I believe that my business will actually improve as I focus my time on areas other than curriculum writing–areas I’ve neglected like social media and marketing.
Homeschool moms don’t have to quit homeschooling for a year to experience renewal. You could switch to unschooling for a season. You could drop a subject or activity you’ve always done. You could cut way back on the amount of time you dedicate to formal schooling. Whatever you consider, your first response may be like mine. You mean stop? Yes, stop.
If you do stop doing too much, you can experience peace and joy once again like I have in creating this content. Which reason for doing too much resonates? Please comment and let me know. If this was helpful, I’d love to have you subscribe.
