Hey, homeschoolers! Are you overwhelmed? Is it embarrassing to be overwhelmed this early in the year? I can empathize. I've been feeling the same way, even though I'm a homeschool business owner and not teaching this fall. I asked the Lord for wisdom and I wrote down three steps we can take to get out of overwhelm now. I already feel so much better after taking them, and I pray that you will too.
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What Overwhelm Really Is
To begin, let's clarify what we mean by overwhelm. First, it's not a true crisis. If you've just been in a car accident or your parent just had a heart attack, your response to that is stress and shock that may feel overwhelming, but that's not the kind of overwhelm I'm talking about. Plus, if you're in a true crisis, I doubt you're listening to me now!
Instead, overwhelm is when we respond to life circumstances as though they were a true crisis. Our kid hates the Spanish class we signed them up for. The kids keep arguing. We didn't get through the 20 different curricula we thought we could cover in a day. We forgot to put dinner in the crockpot and the dog just rolled in mud.
Overwhelm feels like everything is going wrong, but it is really garden-variety anxiety. I didn't realize that overwhelm is just anxiety until I felt overwhelmed myself this week. But I am well aware of how we tend to respond to anxiety. When we're anxious, we avoid. If crowds make us anxious, we avoid them. Elevators, avoid. Algebra, avoid. Obvious, right? So what does that look like with overwhelm?
We avoid the anxiety of overwhelm in multiple ways. First, we distract ourselves. We doomscroll, watch a show, or eat chocolate. If you're like me, you do all three. Next, we try something new to avoid the anxiety of overwhelm. We research new curriculum. New curriculum will fix everything, we are sure. We may think that a whole new approach to homeschooling is the answer, so we start reading and watching YouTube videos. Or we decide that now is the pefect time to start a business and we spend time working on that. When the anxiety of overwhelm is severe, we may decide that we have to stop something. We may think we aren't cut out for homeschooling. We start looking into other options. We may consider dropping out of a co-op or leadership role.
And it's possible that some of these avoidance responses could create positive change, but they are all reactions to anxiety and not carefully considered. I finally understand why I start a new hobby, dive head first into a new business idea, or try a new productivity approach when I'm already overwhelmed. It's my way of avoiding anxiety.
If you've ever heard me talk about anxiety, you know what I always say: avoiding makes anxiety worse, not better. If crowds make you anxious and you avoid them, pretty soon you'll consider your in-laws and even your church a crowd that you need to avoid. Fortunately, there is another way out of overwhelm.
Step 1. Do the next thing.
You've likely heard the poem by the same title made popular by Elisabeth Elliott. I'm going to read it for you again so we can truly take it in.
From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DO THE NEXT THING.”
Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing.
Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, do the next thing.
Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.
Ah. I feel better just saying it. I hope you feel better hearing it.
Many times the next thing is obvious. The baby needs changing. It's time to make lunch. Trash pick up is this morning, so we have to get the cans out.
Other times, we aren't sure. I have some suggestions for the other times.
First, take a walk. When I was overwhelmed recently, walking outside, getting some exercise, and listening to praise music via my earbuds. Many homeschool days when I was overwhelmed, I would get the kids outside to walk with me and I felt better. The kids are less likely to argue and fuss if they're outside walking. That's a bonus.
My next suggestion for do the next thing is clean up. A cluttered environment contributes to the feeling of overwhelm. Every misplaced object seems to cry for our attention. Set a timer for five minutes and have the kids race to see if you can get the whole room picked up before the timer goes off. Play some upbeat music while you work. An uncluttered space will help you feel more in control.
Finally, doing the next thing may be to rest. Like our kids, we often struggle with overstimulation. If you haven't gotten enough quality sleep, if you're hormonal, or if you've had lots of stress, rest is key to getting out of overwhelm. Mercifully, short naps are even more effective than longer ones. If you can't nap, give the whole family a quiet time. If you need to use an electronic babysitter for a short time, do it. Your mental well being is worth it.
Step 1 is do the next thing.
Step 2 is do what you know to do.
When I'm overwhelmed I start thinking about all the things I'm confused about. In my homeschool years, I wondered what to do about foreign language, whether I should teach a speech class, and whether or not I should be blogging. I would be paralyzed by my indecision.
Many years ago our pastor shared our church's philosophy on the Bible: “We focus on the parts of the Bible that are clear, not the parts that aren't.” That made so much sense to me.
In the same way, we can focus on the things in our homeschool lives that are clearly something we should be doing. Practically speaking, here's what we can do.
First, stick with your routine. I wasn't clear about foreign language, teaching a class, or blogging. But the rest of our routine of Bible, memory work, read alouds, etc. was clearly on point. Not only that, but staying on routine as much as possible makes me feel less overwhelmed. The anxiety may tell us that we need to stop everything until we make decisions, but we will feel worse, not better. Continue using your workable routine.
Second, stay with your calling. There were many frustrating days when I felt that I was failing. But one thing I knew for sure: God had called me to homeschool. But that's not all. I wasn't sure about teaching a class or blogging, but at the time, I knew God had called me to write for a parachurch ministry and to speak for women's retreats. I wanted a five-year plan, but God wasn't ready to reveal the future to me. And truthfully, I wasn't ready to hear it. Continue in your current calling and you will feel less overwhelmed.
A third way to do what you know to do is to do what you did at first. This admonition is straight out of Revelation. Whether you had a practice that worked when you first began homeschooling or worked when you began the new school year, return to it. Often we don't have a good reason for abandoning a positive practice. We may have gotten distracted, lazy, or bored, but when we are overwhelmed, we are well served to return to what we did well at first instead of researching a perfect alternative for hours. Consider the schedule, habits, or ideas that you were excited about early on and use them again.
Planning my day the night before was working for me. I then got out of the habit, leaving me overwhelmed by a vague list of tasks in the morning. I'm recommitting to this practice now. What will you do that worked for you at first?
Do What Jesus Is Doing
After doing the next thing and doing what you did at first, the third step out of overwhelm is to do what Jesus is doing.
I've been reflecting on the overwhelm that Jesus' disciples must have experienced. They left their occupations and families, dealt with large, demanding crowds, and were then tasked with being traveling missionaries. Instead of looking for a different Savior, researching good recipes to feed a crowd, or checking napsack reviews on Amazon, these men dealt with overwhelm by following Jesus and doing what He did.
Whenever they stopped following and imitating, they were right back in overwhelm. Of course, we can't see Jesus the way they could.
But we can do what Jesus is doing first, by staying in the present. The disciples wanted to know the future. And while Jesus often gave glimpses of what to expect, He was crystal clear in saying we weren't to worry about tomorrow.
If worry is overwhelming you, I recommend the book Stop Worrying; Start Living by Dale Carnegie. I also recommend a practice that helps me. I ask myself, “Am I okay right now?” If the answer is yes, I know my overwhelm is based in the future. If the answer is no, I know I need to ask for help.
Stay focused on the present to do as Jesus did.
Next, welcome the unexpected. We all feel more secure in routine. We even have less of a tendency to be overwhelmed. But we also have a need for something new. Fortunately, God is a fan of new too. Often we think the knock on the door, our child's insistence that we watch a particular video, or the power outage are distractions from our real life. I have learned that these interruptions are often God's way of spicing up my life. We chatted with an interesting person at the door, laughed until our stomachs hurt at the video, and made memories reading by the window during the power outage.
Imagine the disciples trying to keep Jesus on a schedule. It's laughable! Instead, they could be open to experiencing what He did each day. We can be the same.
After staying present and welcoming the unexpected to get out of overwhelm, we can stay connected to the Father as Jesus did. When overwhelmed, the tendency is to think that we don't have time for relationships. Unfortunately, our relationship with our Heavenly Father is one of the first to be sidelined.
In the Garden, Jesus dealt with overwhelm by spending even more time in prayer. We probably don't have the bandwidth for formal prayer. The Bible says that at these times the Holy Spirit will pray for us without words. What that often looks like for me is just to sit quietly. It's a struggle not to pick up my phone. Avoidance, remember? But if I stick with it, I will often feel the tears come–a release of stress hormones. I make myself present and vulnerable to my Father, who already knows I am struggling. In fact, at one of these times recently, I told God that I couldn't do it. I couldn't manage the overwhelm. I was out of tricks.
You won't be surprised that I immediately felt better. I pray that when you do the next thing, do what you know to do, and do what Jesus is doing that you too will come out of overwhelm to feel His peace.
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Have a happy homeschool week!
