Melanie Wilson (00:01)
You know that feeling when you wake up and hear the kids stirring and instead of excitement, you feel dread when the thought of one more homeschool day feels like too much. If you've been there or if you're there right now, this episode is for you. Welcome to the Homeschool Sanity Show. I'm your host, Dr. Melanie Wilson. Today, I'm talking with Annette Vaughn.

author of Dear Homeschool Mom. Annette started homeschooling when her oldest was in second grade, thinking they'd just try it for one year. She knew absolutely nothing about homeschooling and was terrified. But now, years later, she's created something beautiful. A book filled with encouragement from over 50 ordinary homeschool moms like you who have walked this journey and want to link arms with you.

We're talking about the early warning signs of burnout, how to tell the difference between healthy reflection and unhealthy guilt and practical ways to fill yourself with encouragement even when you feel isolated or inadequate. Whether you're a brand new homeschool mom or you've been at this for years, this conversation is going to remind you that you're not alone. And on the hard days, you have something to hold on to.

Let's dive in.

Melanie Wilson (01:33)
Annette, thank you so much for joining me here on the Home School Sanity Show where we are going to be talking about encouragement. It's something I am very passionate about. But before we dive into that topic, I would love to have you tell us more about you and your family and then maybe if you can, why you chose to homeschool initially.

Annette Vaughn (01:56)
Okay, great. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for allowing me to spend a little bit of time with you here today. So yeah, my name is Annette Vaughn. My husband and I have been married 20 plus years. We've got three boys ages 14, 13 and 12. And we started homeschooling initially when my oldest was in second grade. I never thought my name and homeschool would ever be used in the same sentence.

before, which is kind of funny because now my name and homeschool are both listed together on the title of the book. So that's so funny to me. ⁓ But when my oldest son was going into second grade, my middle one was going into kindergarten, we realized that the private school they were going to just wasn't going to be equipped to handle some of the needs of my kindergartner.

So we decided to embark on this idea of homeschool just for a year, just to try it, to see how it went. And as they say, the rest is history. I went from knowing absolutely nothing about it and being scared to death to realizing this is just the most amazing lifestyle that our family could have.

Melanie Wilson (03:12)
Mm, I love it. Well, you know, that's very similar to my story. I did not have my kids in school before I started homeschooling, but I never thought I would have my name associated with homeschooling either. ⁓ But here we are, and like you, I absolutely love it, and I want to encourage anyone who wants to try it to do it and see if they can enjoy.

the many, many benefits that I have and it sounds like you have too.

Annette Vaughn (03:45)
Yes, absolutely. that's just a, this might be one of those cut it out moments. I'm so sorry. You probably shouldn't have told me that we could do that. And otherwise I would, would, would, I would.

Melanie Wilson (03:54)
No worries.

Okay, all right. So now,

okay, now pretend like we're live and people are listening to us. So, okay, go ahead.

Annette Vaughn (04:06)
Okay.

Alright, what was the question again?

Melanie Wilson (04:13)
Okay, so I just said, ⁓ you know what, let's just cut that part out, okay? All right, and I'll start here. Here we go. Do not worry, do not worry. No problem. That's right, here we go. Okay, many homeschool moms feel isolated or like they're the only ones who are struggling in this homeschooling endeavor. What are some reminders or truths

Annette Vaughn (04:18)
Okay.

I'm so sorry. I'm going to power through.

Melanie Wilson (04:42)
that you wish every homeschool mom could hear on the days that she feels unseen or inadequate.

Annette Vaughn (04:51)
That's such a great question. And I think that's, that's definitely the truth that so many moms go through times or seasons like that. And that's one of the truths that I would remind moms of is simply that that's normal. What we're doing by homeschooling our children is for sure counter cultural. It's different.

⁓ it can be stressful at times and bring on ⁓ a whole new level of responsibility. And so just realizing that that's a normal thing to feel and think is important. And secondly, we realize that we're not alone when we reach out and we take an opportunity to get to know other homeschool moms to ⁓

you know, to build friendships with them and relationships and things like that, because those are going to be your homeschool sisters who are going to be able to remind you of those things on a daily basis and to share, you know, hey, we're having a rough week or a rough day or whatever it is over at our house too. And so to me, if I didn't have those reminders from other moms who were just in the trenches doing the same thing, I would

definitely feel isolated and start to second guess myself. We need those reminders from each other.

Melanie Wilson (06:21)
I love that and it's absolutely the truth and I have experienced that and I am so very grateful for the other homeschooling moms in my life who were willing to just stand with me, you know, through those really difficult days and they are definitely normal as you say. ⁓ I love that. So discouragement, seems like,

can often sneak in quietly. ⁓ don't just get like this overwhelm of discouragement all of a sudden. Instead, it seems to kind of crop up because of comparison or we're just exhausted or we're just starting to doubt ourselves and our ability to teach our kids or to teach one particular child or one particular subject. What would you say are some

early warning signs that a mom is heading toward burnout. And then if you could, what do you think that this kind of mom can do before she reaches that breaking point?

Annette Vaughn (07:33)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's so true. And I love ⁓ how you point out those sneaky ways that it can come because you're absolutely right. The comparison, the fatigue, all of those things are huge contributors. so to me, and I know this from personal experience, I think moms on the verge of burnout

They know what that feels like, that perhaps they've lost their joy or excitement that they used to have about homeschooling. each day becomes, you know, kind of a daily drudgery from the moment that you hear the kids wake up and like, am I going to be able to do this again? ⁓

And of course, you know, we all have days that are a little off, but when you're headed towards burnout, I think that the indicator is you're just having more of those days than you're not. And the messages going through your head may be things like, why did I ever try to do this? I'm not qualified. They would be better off if they were in school somewhere, all of those things. And so I think if moms are feeling that, ⁓

through the thoughts that are racing through their head and just even from the fatigue that they're feeling or the dread that they're feeling, that's a big sign that burnout has either arrived or it's well on the way. And when I think about burnout, I am actually gonna be ironically talking to a group about this coming up. I think of it in the way of just simply needing to refuel.

You know, everything that we do just as moms or especially as homeschool moms truly takes so much energy physically and mentally. And as we do that day in and day out, yeah, our fuel tank is draining just a little bit. And we've got to watch for those indicators as we go, or we're going to end up in a place that's, you know, really, really discouraged. And so, you know, I would say if moms are

If moms are starting to feel some of those things to really, you know, take a pause and reflect, where is that coming from? And sometimes it's just a reflection of the time of year. You know, you get into the middle of January and February as a homeschool mom. And it feels like, you know, Christmas is over the finish line of the end of the year. If you do traditional schedules is way far off and it can just be a reflection of the time of year.

Other times, the source may be simply ⁓ the circumstances of your life. Maybe there's a big life change. Maybe there's a stressful family situation. Maybe something like that is going on, or it could be a matter of the curriculum isn't working anymore. There's so many things that can lead to it. But I think if we just notice the symptoms,

and we don't pause to reflect and try to figure out where is this coming from. ⁓ When we do reflect, that can just get us a little bit closer to figuring out, okay, what is something I can do as a next step to start working through this? And sometimes, honestly, it's as simple as taking a little break, whether that's a day or a couple of days or a week.

to just step back and when we are rested and we've had time to reflect a little bit, so much in a better place to be able to look at our situation objectively and really figure out what's going on.

Melanie Wilson (11:27)
I completely agree. And when you were talking about taking a break, it reminded me that so many of us moms, when we even consider that, it can stir up another emotion, and that is guilt. We feel guilty because we haven't done all of the lessons that we've planned. We haven't...

gotten nearly as much accomplished as we intended to by this point in the year. And so taking a break, you've got to be kidding me, you know? We're behind and we've got to get caught up. So how can moms tell the difference between a healthy reflection? I mean, maybe there are some things that ⁓ we do need to correct.

that we need to ⁓ rethink. But sometimes ⁓ the guilt that we're feeling is not helpful and it is just undermining our confidence and joy. What's the difference between those two types of guilt?

Annette Vaughn (12:41)
such a good thing to consider and I think as moms just simply asking ourselves that question even is helpful. Is this helpful guilt? That's a natural emotion and used for its actual God-given purpose is a good thing. ⁓ But reflection to me that's healthy is something that points you forward, not something that points you back.

Melanie Wilson (13:05)
Mmm.

Annette Vaughn (13:07)
of all the things that you could have done and should have done, and this didn't go well, and that was a train wreck. To me, healthy reflection of trying to ask some of those questions, what are some things maybe we could have done differently? Okay, what does that look like moving forward? What did we learn from that? ⁓ Because as a homeschool mom, I think something that's surprising to us a little bit at times, or it is to me,

is how much of a learning journey the whole process is for me. I joke around and say, the time I graduate all three of my boys, I will finally have figured out how to homeschool. But it's a learning journey all along. And I think as moms are reflecting and figuring out, is this pointing me towards guilt or is this a healthy reflection? Because we do need to ⁓

Melanie Wilson (13:49)
Right.

Annette Vaughn (14:04)
we do need to evaluate and sometimes maybe we have gotten a little too relaxed in an area that we shouldn't have or maybe, you know, we've let some things slide that were important, but ⁓ unhealthy guilt is going to point us backwards and just keep us in all that healthy reflection is going to let us learn from that and move forward with it. That's how I would view a difference.

Melanie Wilson (14:30)
I think that is an amazing description of how to assess what our guilt is doing for us and for our families too, right? Because we stay stuck in guilt that points us backwards, then our families are gonna be stuck too. Our kids are not gonna be able to move forward into, yeah, into a more... ⁓

Annette Vaughn (14:42)
That's

Absolutely.

Melanie Wilson (14:57)
you know, productive homeschool and a happier homeschool. Okay, so you talk about encouragement in your book, which I want to talk about in a bit. And it sounds so simple. ⁓ I just need some encouragement. But sometimes homeschooling moms, their ⁓ ability to get encouragement from other people is limited, or maybe it's inconsistent. Maybe your spouse

Annette Vaughn (15:00)
Yes.

Melanie Wilson (15:26)
doesn't really get the whole homeschooling life that you're leading. It's really your career when you're a homeschooling mom. And if your spouse isn't heavily involved, he might not really understand that you need those words of encouragement on a regular basis. So if that's the case, what are a few practical ways that

homeschooling moms can find encouragement. I was gonna say encourage themselves, but I think it would be more like, how can she find encouragement?

Annette Vaughn (16:06)
Yeah, that's great. first of all, I think it's so important for all homeschool moms to remember why they started the journey. Always starting with that. And you know, maybe you're a homeschool mom that is just, you know, somehow found yourself in homeschooling and thought, I don't even know how I got here, let alone why. So it's not too late to pause and reflect and think.

Why, you know, what is my why for, you know, here I am now, what is my why for continuing? And so, you know, certainly, you know, if your spouse is involved in that, ⁓ you know, including including them in that as well, because on the hard days on the especially hard days, hard seasons where encouragement is lacking, the desire to want to quit or give up or ⁓

you know, just to not do our best is it's all on, it's all on full display. And so remembering that is, is huge, but from a practical standpoint, think, you know, fill your, your mind and your ears, maybe through your earbuds with some excellent encouraging resources, you know, your podcast, there's so many other amazing homeschool podcasts as well.

that find out what day of the week those podcasts release and make it a point to choose one or two that you can listen to each week or save them up for a season when you really need a little bit of a pep talk. That's a huge way to find encouragement, I think, especially if you're in a season or situation where ⁓

You know, maybe you don't have as many homeschool friends. Maybe, you know, all of your, all of your close friends don't homeschool. And so, you know, although you value those friendships, they're just not in that same world as you. And then I would also say, ⁓ from an encouragement standpoint, and these aren't often, but if you possibly can, my goodness, plan to go to a homeschool conference. Those are amazing.

⁓ and you know, they're all across, they're all across in every different state and you know, who knows, you may end up connecting with some great friends in that way, but find ways I would say to get those voices of encouragement, ⁓ to you, even if that's through, you know, your set of earbuds or perhaps even a book on your nightstand, ⁓ that speaks to homeschool encouragement. And there's many of those as well to, ⁓ speak that to you. And

And even when you said encouraging yourself, I think there is a little bit of truth in that. And I view it as speaking truth to ourselves and being able to have some Bible verses that we can cling to, some Bible truth, because if we're just speaking, you can do it, you're good enough, all of these messages to ourselves, well, we're smart enough to know that's not true.

Melanie Wilson (19:17)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

Annette Vaughn (19:19)
We need to speak those

messages of actual truth to ourselves ⁓ to keep us, know, keep us understanding why we're doing this to give us the motivation to continue.

Melanie Wilson (19:33)
Absolutely, I love that. And one of the things that I tell attendees that I'm speaking with at great homeschool conventions, which is the series of conferences that I attend and speak at, is to get copies of audios of talks that you didn't have time to see or...

Get copies of the talks that really encouraged you so that you can listen to them again, as you say, when you need that extra shot in the arm of continuing. I know when I was in the trenches of homeschooling, I went to a homeschooling conference every single year. And just being in the presence of all of these other homeschooling parents,

really did encourage me. Just knowing that I wasn't alone and that my challenges were not actually that unique to me, ⁓ it makes a huge difference. And I would say another thing that you could do is get a copy of your new book, Dear Homeschool Mom, and have that by your bedside.

to pull out when you are needing some encouragement. Can you tell us the story behind that book?

Annette Vaughn (21:03)
Absolutely. Well, Dear Homeschool Mom came out in October of 2025. just recently as of the airing of this podcast, and it's a book like no other. Here's the premise of it. It is a book of encouragement from homeschool moms or homeschool moms. And so although my name's on the front and I, you know, authored the book as a whole,

There are over 50 moms who are part of this book. These moms are homeschool moms from across the US coast to coast. Some of them have been homeschooling maybe only a couple of years. They're new to it. Some are kind of middle of the road in those middle school teen years. And then there's other moms that contributed who contributed to it, who have graduated three or four kids. And so all of them together, ⁓

make up just such a wealth of homeschool mom encouragement. I wonder often how many years of homeschool experience the book has that would be fun to add up. But the story behind the book is I've been homeschooling seven or eight years now. And when I first started homeschooling, I, as I said at the beginning, I knew nothing, I knew absolutely nothing. And all the things that I did,

know about homeschool in quotes, no, were just myths. I thought homeschool was just you get your little classroom and you know, none of it was true. And it was the help of what I call regular ordinary homeschool moms in my life who came alongside me, helped me, showed me the ropes, got me started, all these things.

And as I have continued to homeschool year after year, I've reflected and I've realized, you know what has helped make this possible for me? It's the moms in my life that are in my circle that have been willing to give and help. ⁓ And they're not well-known names. They're not big speakers. They're not, you know, big bloggers, any of that, which

Melanie Wilson (23:18)
Mm-hmm.

Annette Vaughn (23:24)
I love all those resources that are out there, but what makes this book unique is it's from moms who are just like the moms probably who are going to read it. And they share similar struggles and joys and challenges and some funny stories even throughout the book in the form of letters. That's why it's called Dear Home School Mom.

Melanie Wilson (23:36)
Hmm.

Annette Vaughn (23:48)
And so there's a series of chapters, but every single letter is different. And it addresses moms in different situations, such as to the homeschool mom who just wants to quit, or to the mom who's ⁓ struggling with ⁓ a child academically, to the mom who just needs some motivation. There's all of these different letters so that moms can really honestly

pick it up and flip to the one that applies to you that day or that season. Or certainly you can just read through as a whole and just get a whole variety of encouragement right there. And I think through hearing these moms ⁓ encouragement from hearing their stories, hearing them share about lessons they've learned along the way, it is just such a helpful.

a helpful thing to have as you go on your own homeschool journey. And what I hope also is that it's a reminder that all homeschool moms have something to offer to others. You don't have to have, you know, been homeschooling perfectly for three, four, five years before you can help someone else. If you've been homeschooling a week or two, you're further along than the person that hasn't even started and you have something to share.

And so just acknowledging that none of us have all the answers, but all of us have something that we can do that encourages another mom.

Melanie Wilson (25:25)
I absolutely love this and I dearly wish I would have had your book available to me when I was starting out. It would have been amazing, honestly. But at least it's available now and other homeschooling moms, no matter where they are in their journey, as you say, can benefit from it. So where is the best place to pick it up?

Annette Vaughn (25:53)
Yeah, absolutely. ⁓ Where it's available right now is just a quick and simple add to your Amazon cart. And ⁓ that is the best and primary place where that is available right now. So if you just search Dear Homeschool Mom Book, you will see it come up and you'll notice it immediately by its cover. Though we don't want to judge a book by its cover.

I love the cover of this book. It's a group of homeschool moms facing away with their arms around each other. And I think it points to the message of what this book is, that we're linking arm in arm together, all of us different, walking this journey and that we're not alone.

Melanie Wilson (26:44)
Mm, I love that too. And I'm also going to include a link to it in the show notes. If you are not, ⁓ where you can write the title down, don't worry. I will be giving you that link in just a minute. Do you have social media accounts where listeners can connect with you?

Annette Vaughn (27:04)
Yes, absolutely. So on Instagram or on Facebook, both social media accounts are just simply called Dear Homeschool Mom book. Just make sure to include the word book in that and you'll be able to find those areas.

Melanie Wilson (27:17)
Okay.

that's wonderful. Well, I am so thrilled ⁓ that you wrote this book and collected Homeschooling Moms Wisdom and ⁓ published it as a source of encouragement for many, many years to come. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us today.

Annette Vaughn (27:45)
Thank you, I appreciate it.

Melanie Wilson (27:49)
I love how Annette reminded us that what we're doing by homeschooling is countercultural. It's different. It can be stressful. And it's completely normal to have days or even seasons where we feel like we're barely holding it together. But here's what I want you to remember. You're not alone. You have something to offer other moms, even if you've only been homeschooling for a few weeks.

And there are ordinary homeschool moms out there who want to link arms with you and remind you why this journey is worth it. If you need that kind of encouragement right now, I highly recommend picking up Annette's book, Dear Homeschool Mom. It's available on Amazon and it's filled with letters written specifically for the season or struggle you're in. Find the link at homeschoolsanity.com slash encouragement.

Whether you need motivation, help with an academic challenge, or just someone to tell you not to quit, there's a letter in there for you. You can connect with Annette on Instagram or Facebook at Dear Homeschool Mom Book. Just make sure to include the word book when you search. And friend, if you're in a hard season right now, I want you to know you're doing better than you think.

your kids are going to be okay and you don't have to have it all figured out to keep going. Have a happy homeschool week. This has been a production of the Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network.